I have a really important appointment tomorrow and it’s about something I only ever told someone who totally isn’t in my life anymore.

And now I don’t want to tell anyone else, because the only person I ever told obviously didn’t care and I don’t know, I need support because I’m terrified, but I don’t know what to do or who to turn to.

and second guessing your break up, because it’s all you’ve known.

had to come home from the boyfs early, because I just couldn’t stop crying.
I went round, his mum got home at 6, at 7, she came in asked me what i wanted to eat from the co op and i was like erm, (i eat home cooked food and she clearly didn’t mean that). S she got pasta and pasta sauce, poured the pasta sauce on, didn’t let me check it, it had pepper corns in, which she is aware I’m mildly allergic to (they make me sick and my throat burn and itch) so i sat and ate as much as I could until my throat hurt and I’d tried to scrape all the pasta sauce off. We ate on the sofa in front of the telly again. We used to eat round the table and his mum would cook a nice meal and pudding and we’d chat, but the past three times I’ve been over, we’ve eaten in front of the telly, two times having take aways and once i cooked my own tea with Howie. I don’t get a warm welcome, they’re rude and harsh. And there’s nothing I can do and I’m so frustrated and uncomfortable and i just burst into tears, i felt so unwelcome and unwanted. So i came home 2 hours early to cry with mum.

I am so upset.

and i’m not smart enough to fix it, how depressing.

i can’t find a new theme either.

yes i still have that work to do. sh.

my name is gabriella jane sanders.

and I probably hate you, (:

I am so very angry for such a tiny person. My hair is dyed badly and wrecked, my roots are showing, it’s stayed the same length for years as it breaks at the same rate it grows. I’ve recently put on weight, probably due to skipping meals and just eating crap that’s quick, as I’m working now. I also seem to work all the time and still have no money. I feel like I never see anyone out of school anymore. In four days I have to make the decision as to whether I’m still happy with my boyfriend, or take a break and possibly lose the closest person to perfection ever. I have an internal struggle, I don’t enjoy my own company and I like to be social, however I hate humanity, I watch best friends bitch to me about each other and suck up to each and run back to each other over and over. It’s tiresome to me, you stab me in the back and it’s as simple as; goodbye. It’s now ten to eleven and I have a journalism task to write; an article on my boyfriends sporting success, I’m 300 words down, 700-1200 to go, joy. I do not like me, as much as I do not like you. I enjoy the simple things, my hair going right for once, painting my nails, wearing pretty things, high heeled shoes, coffee and the wonders of fruit boxes.

Good Day stranger, xx

WHY?!

why must Shane ruin it for everyone, stupid fuck, why couldn’t the walker Rick had just get hold of him, fucks sake.

‘I’ll do anything to keep you and Carl safe’

oh like opening a barn of zombies and setting them loose on us? thanks shane, thanks a bunch.

Maggie is such a bitch, no thanks Glenn for saving my life, I’ll keep your secret.  AND Why the fuck are they keeping zombies like fucking pets? jesus christ how stupid would you like to get?  Shane+Andrea? really? sex scene in a car I hope they get eaten, least favourite characters. And, oh, my, god, I love Dale, so much, I think he should become God. Also, poor Rick, his world is constantly being torn down, he deserves so much better, Lori can fuck off with Andre and Shane.  Also, the preview says THE GROUP finds out the secret about the barn, no, no they do not, Dale does, that is all. AND I was hoping to see the spoiler of Sophia in action this episode. Overall I am disappointed, expected more, I don’t like shane or Maggie or Lori and the episode was based around them, disappointed THAT AND THERE WAS NOT ENOUGH DARYL. Season one was realy good and the start of season two was, but it’s going down hil.  T-dawgggg, Rick, Carol, Daryl, Glenn, new crew, I like it, fuck the rest of the world. 

And from the preview of the next episode Shane looks like he’s gonna fuck it all up, grr. 

instead thanks to one unreliable, back stabbing bitch, me and my other two friends are £50 out of pocket, just thrown away.

The things is she agreed to pay the taxi, so we booked it, deposit £50. Then the night before we go she says her mum has decided we’ve been ripped off and she’s not giving that much to her, or so she says. so then her mum decides not to do us a favour but earn some money off us by saying THE NIGHT BEFORE I’ll take you there and back for £20 each. I’m like no, We’ve booked the taxi, we’ll lose our money. she won’t pay i’m going mental, one of my friends has borrowed the money for the deposit off her mum and she’s got two jobs to pay for it, and now this girls wants us to pay her mum? do me a fucking favour. So then she says I’m going mental at her for no reason. ERM, the reason is sweetheart, this trip was your idea, you agreed to pay the money and now you won’t we’re going to have to cancell going and lose our deposit.

I tell her I don’t care about her personal problems, we’ve all saved up in time, she’s left it to the night before and is complaing about the hard work, EXCUSE ME, TWO JOB SWEETHEART, harder work than cleaning your bedroom and getting the money handed to you from your mum, you spoilt cow.

So we didn’t go. she’s not paid any one and we’re splitting £50 3 ways, so no one is any more out of pocket than anyone else.

I’ve told I think she’s fucking scum and I don’t want to see her face again. you don’t make promises and let people down like that, especially when it was your trip and money is involved. What a fucking waste of the earths resources.

However, today I found myself in a huge argument, that got way too personal for my liking, after getting into a confrontation Saturday night, I figured it’s happen eventually. However, I didn’t think I’d lose my temper like I did.  Just saying, I fully can’t be arsed until you get all in my face, it’s when people are hypocritical, it proper gets too me, calling me an attention seeker after her actions and then calling my relationship into question after Saturday, wow.

+ a liar? when I’ve never heard a true word fall from your mouth.

Having some issues with my mouth and my temper tbh.

I think I’m going to stop saying what I think because it’s not that it gets me into trouble infact keeping my mouth shut gets me into trouble more. I think I’ll become one of the interesting/boring people who are completely okay with everything and anything, let myself be walked all over for the first time in my life, just to see what it’s like, i wonder what would happen if I changed into that person.

I love a lot of people but I can’t cope with them sometimes.

Going to go lay in bed for a bit and think.

night.

• Everyone at College seems to have no manners anymore. -they don’t cost a thing, cunt.
• Children who think they’re the shit. -you’re not, get off your high horse because I knock you off it.
• People moaning about their problems all the time. -you haven’t got it that bad, there is a simple solution, you just want to drag out the drama.
• People who moan and bitch because I hug my boyfriend and want to be close to him and tell me it makes them ‘sick’. - you’d do the same if you were me, it’s not like I have my tongue half way down his throat. p.s. go fuck yourself.
• Two faced, ugly on the inside, stuck up bitches. -grow up, just grow up.
• Boys who can’t handle having a female friend when they have a boyfriend. - I don’t want in your pants, but I’d like to be friends, it is that difficult?
• My utter inability to like people at the moment. - everything is getting under my skin and I hate everyone, humanity is vile.

‘hey, y’know Gabby is coming in for physiotherapy? on her knees? She’ll need to wear shorts.’

It’s freezing cold and pissing it down, yayy. ):

Cried in public for the first time in a very long time. Just can’t keep my emotions in check. I can’t even begin to describe how I felt, I hate crying in public, it’s embarrassing and I don’t feel showing weakness. But it made it okay, because I had someone to grab hold of me and cuddle me and kiss my hair until I stopped, while I was quietly wiping my face saying I need to calm down and was okay.

Just saying, I was not.

Just want to say I love my boyfriend.

The fact I spent like an hour ranting to him about how I hate being on the pill, reading him all the side effects, crying and telling him how shit periods are and how fat and disgusting I feel and how my boobs get too big and how if I was pregnant he could just walk away and I’d be fat and gross and hated, and he just sat there wide eyed and apologised that I had to go through it.

That’s love.

can I be honest?

I don’t know what I’m doing.

I always said I’d live everyday, but the truth is I’m just surviving, miserably. I just have this utter disgust for humanity I can’t shift, I don’t want to party, I don’t want to be drunk, I just want to be content alone.